The Way Up

Leave it to our surprising Father to turn our world upside down. Just when we think our equilibrium is returning, he'll introduce another reason to give us a bad case of vertigo (all done in love, of course, and to help us to our knees).

Take our way of talking, for example. After we've exhausted ourselves in an angry outburst that feels really good (otherwise, why do it?) he reminds us: "Now consider this: "a gentle word can break a bone (Proverbs 25:15)" - not to mention, a hard heart.  Hmmm. So "pumping up the volume," and looking more intense doesn't actually fly to win arguments? Or change my kid's behavior? (Not that I've given up on it altogether, you know.)

Or how about this one: "Humble yourself before me, and I will lift you up (Jas. 4:10 )." Now there's one that really goes against the grain! Does he really mean to imply that "the way up is actually the way down" - down to your knees? Yep, that's what he said!

Pixar's new movie Up provides a great opportunity to talk about such upside-down realities. Carl Fredricksen, the leading man and octogenarian in the film (now there's a novelty in a youth-obsessed culture) can actually float his house away with thousands of balloons, but it seems he can't lift his own heart. Grieving the loss of his beloved wife Ellie (and their beautiful, word-less montage of a life spent together at the film's beginning is worth the price of admission), the widowed, childless Carl (Ed Asner) believes that riding out his time in solitude and despair seems like a perfect idea. After all, to his mind there's just no way "up" - or is there?

Things are Looking Up
But "up" does come when (surprise), a small boy named Russel (Jordan Nagai) winds up on Carl's door-step, trying hard to earn his Wilderness Explorer service badge. (Take note whenever someone small shows up in a storyline. Remember how Frodo, Middle Earth's smallest guy, is the one who ends up as the ring-bearer; not to mention a certain baby who begins life in an animal feed-trough - then purposely chooses the weakness of a cross to triumph?)

Thrown together "by accident" when Carl decides to float away from it all, Russel (the son of an absentee-father) ends up with a most unpromising challenge: earning a service badge with a crotchety old man. At the same time, Carl is faced with the most unappealing - and humbling - prospect of coming out of himself to love again. The friendship that ensues between the two brings a whole new adventure that neither had in mind at the start. What could be more upside-down - and delightful - than that?

Knowing and Being Known
A story like this hits close to home and even brings tears, because we all relate in some way to Carl or Russel. Haven't we all experienced these heart-losses of some sort - whether of close relationship, or status, or even (like Carl) health-changes slowly leading to being more dependent on others (or at least a metal cane with tennis balls on the feet?) Why not just crawl safely inside our houses and hearts and slam the door shut tightly on the rest of the world? Who needs the challenge of real relationship anyway - of knowing others, and being known by them?

You do! This Father's day especially, see this important picture: like Russel, even if you are deeply missing a father who isn't around, know that there is One who invites you to share with him your heart. One who calls himself  "a Father to the father-less, a Defender of widows" (Ps. 68:5). Here, in the true God, is a surprisingly-present Father who holds out to you the "give and take" of honest relationship. One who invites you to actually speak and cry out to Him about your struggles and joys, for his ear is always attentive to your voice.

And this is how He works: He resists the proud, but reveals himself to little children, even to little "Russels" like you - who in turn can help melt the heart of a proud "Carl." This Father's undeserved grace always flows downhill - to the humble sinner on his knees - which is everyone who admits their great need and submits themselves to be loved. This Father is "full of compassion," and never tires of lifting you up in His embrace and renewing your tired heart with his prodigal ("extravagant") love. And this Father has forever written his love-letter of kindness and grace in the Gospel, for Jesus said, "to see me is to see the Father." So go ahead, call Him Abba ("daddy") Father:

"So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father." (Romans 8:15)

Yes, this Father promises to literally turn your world upside down - but for your great good. The important thing to remember is that you deserve none of it, but he has left all his comforts to come down to you, and endure great pain, so you could be known. And so you could rise up, as a loved son or daughter. Old hearts of stone made soft - now what could be more upside-down than that?

Why the Card Didn't Come

Hello again, my friend,

Well, another Mother’s day, down the tubes. (I know you’re glad to see it gone. Sorry to bring it up again.)
And why shouldn’t you be, really? You’ve told me your stories. You’ve mentioned how you used to sit in church, dreading every Mother’s day while all the “good” mothers were being praised. You spoke of how you sat there and simmered, silently thinking, “But you don’t know my mother.” You’ve even mentioned how you might give Hallmark some interesting new suggestions.

I’ve also heard you – through buckets of tears - speak of your painful miscarriage(s) (between 10 and 25% of all pregnancies). You didn’t want to talk about the abortion you had (nearly 43% of all women) - which, you said if you even allowed yourself a moment to think about it, would tear you apart. I’ve heard you whisper, “let’s not even go there.” Sad but true, Mother’s day for you might just be the worst day of the year.

Well, if you’ll allow me, I want to make a new day, in your honor. Let’s call it, “Mercy Day.” But, my friend, be warned. Some churches won’t like it – you won’t really fit in to their happy schedule. As you well know, the greeting card industry won’t have a place for you either. Your family might even give you grief for mentioning the reason. Most of them won’t understand, or even try. But here’s some good news: your real Father (who also sounds a lot like a mother too) will. Listen to how He speaks:

“Can [your] mother forget the baby at her breast, and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” ~ Isaiah 49:15

Or,

“As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you, and you will be comforted.” Isaiah 66:13

Beautiful stuff, huh? Little did you know, seven hundred years before Jesus came, God was speaking to Isaiah about you. He spoke because He knew that while most mothers would fight like a bear to protect her cubs, some (sadly) would forget. To you, the abandoned cub, He now speaks: there is great compassion and mercy at the hands of Jesus, indelibly etched there for you. He did fight for you, and he won. Call that day the real Mercy day.

And, my friend, though you never had good mothering, my prayer is that we may find you a spiritual mother to love you well (see Titus 2). His church is meant for just such things. But also remember - and here’s the other important part about Mercy day – no one really deserves it. It’s true – neither a mom who remembers, or one who forgets - actually deserves mercy. We’re all rebellious, and so it is extended to both in His cross.

Mercy day then becomes a challenge and an opportunity for you to extend mercy to the most undeserving (you know who I’m thinking of), precisely because God - the One who loves you better than even the best mother will - has shown it to the undeserving (you). Think about it, and we can talk later about what that may look like.

As well, I hope you know that Mercy day also acknowledges the pain of the “empty nest” you now know. It moves with compassion to comfort a mother (and father) who keenly feel that ache and loss, for “He is close to the broken-hearted.” Mercy day becomes an opportunity for us to acknowledge your very real loss as well, to draw close and let you know that we (your true family) remember you, and so does your Father. We can remember because real mercy flows ultimately from the heart of a Father who knows what it feels like to lose his beloved Son.

Well, perhaps you've guessed where I’m going with all this. Can you see that, in reality, every day is Mercy day for us? It’s only by His mercy that we get to stand here on this earth. Only by that mercy that we breathe, that our hearts beat, that we can try to love again. In fact it’s only by mercy that we can exclaim each day: “…His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22,23)

So allow me to be the first to wish you a “Happy Mercy Day.” May you live gratefully in that mercy, and find your true purpose in extending it to others. And who knows? Maybe you’ve got a future in the greeting card business after all.

Square One

I once heard the story of how that great champion of golf, Jack Nicklaus, (aka the “Golden Bear”) returned home to his favorite instructor, Jack Grout, with a seemingly odd request: “Teach me again how to golf.” Why, one might wonder, would the world’s greatest golfer - with more major title wins than anyone - need to ask such a thing?

The reason, Nicklaus said, had to do with returning to the basics when he was starting to forget: correcting his swing, keeping his head down, eye on the ball. Square-one stuff, as it were.

Getting back to square-one is important in golf and games of skill, but even more so when it comes to diagnosing matters of the heart. It’s especially necessary because our hearts are always getting lost, looking for ultimate value and meaning (essentially what the word “worship” means) in all the wrong places; “deceitful above all things,” is the way the prophet Jeremiah put it, and “desperately wicked” (see Jer. 17:9. Hey, not too p.c. there, Jerry!)

Returning to square-one then is really learning to see where our hearts have wound up - what sort of deep weeds they’ve gotten into - as well as our only real remedy out of the rough. With this in mind, here are some “square one” propositions worth telling your heart  (and especially so when you think Jeremiah just might be looking your way again):

1.) Listen - It’s All About Jesus.
Sounds cliché I know, but it really is. Speak this loudly to your heart, again and again. All your deepest questions about your purpose and place in this world begin and end in him. When Jesus summarized the whole Bible as really pointing to Himself, saying that the entire Old Testament Scriptures spoke of Him (Lk. 24:27), he was giving us a huge square-one truth: It’s His cross that stands as the center-piece of history, and which is rebellious mankind’s only hope.

Ask your heart, “is it possible you’ve gotten off track and thought it was really all about you – your need to be right,  to be approved of and look good, and be esteemed? Welcome back to sanity, and clarity: you're worse than you ever thought you were, but Jesus' grace is so much better than you ever dreamed. Jesus alone has what you need most – grace, forgiveness, identity, approval, love, and even a new family to help you remember…that it’s really all about Him.

2.) You are Here to Love.
Again, this could sound sort of trite, if it weren’t true. As counselor Ed Welch notes, it’s inevitable: what you find in your relationship with people is what you find in your relationship with God. Have you tasted his grace, the grace of Jesus, who shows you what love really looks like – by laying down his very life – for you? The “square-one” truth is this: you will only love to the degree that you know how much you are loved.

This means that your true purpose – the whole reason why you exist, is in fact, love. (This tends to sort out a lot of foggy thinking about what you should do with yourself in your spare time too). It’s all wrapped up in two nice summary statements by Jesus: love God with all your heart, mind, and strength; followed by the second - love your neighbor as yourself.

But wait! Don’t click this article off without noting the vitally important square-one corollary to this truth: You can try these two things (the summation of all the law) but you will never do either of them perfectly - but that’s why going back to our first proposition is so vitally important. Jesus has loved enough for the both of you, and the secret is, the more you learn to rest in His performance, and to the degree that you know how much you are loved, you’ll actually be thinking more of others, and worrying less about you. Like I told you, Jesus has what you really need – and it’s a whole lot of love.

3.) He’s Bigger Than You, and By the Way, He Owns the World.
I know you wonder about things like “how can I manage “my world” and not get hurt?” As one of my pastor friends put it this past Sunday, “What if the mountains, i.e. the so-called stable places and people in your life, really do fall into the heart of the sea?" (Psalm 46). The answer is another square-one truth, as he went on to say: Jesus really is bigger and better than anything – including any person, place, or thing you can dream up, even in your wildest of dreams. And it is His world, as He reminded Job in the darkness of that whirlwind with all those nature and astronomy lessons, so He wisely knows what He’s doing with you too.

So when you forget that, and you probably will - remember that He will never, ever, forget you; you are more loved than all the many birds of this earth which he feeds, and the myriad beautiful flowers that he clothes with uncommon splendor (Matt.6:25-34). Then you’ll remember that you were made to find joy in worshipping and enjoying Him, the One who says “Behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matt. 28:20)

Do me a favor and bring me back to "square-one" when I forget, will you?

You Have Prayer

Remember that great scene at the end of Bruce Almighty (and if you haven’t seen this 2003 film by now, read no further and go rent it!) when Bruce is walking in the rain and begins to pray? Frustrated and spent from all his failed attempts to “play God,” Bruce (Jim Carrey) groans his only prayer to the skies that now seem to weep for him: “I don’t want to be God anymore…I want you to decide what’s best for me!” Is there a better prayer for us when we realize we’ve lost our way?

Bruce Almighty is actually a story that comically reveals some of our deepest (and most tragic) issues – hugely relevant for counseling - in wonderful style - one of the most important being why and how we pray.

Why We Don’t Pray
As the story of Buffalo news reporter Bruce Nolan’s experience unfolds, we're helpfully shown why he doesn’t trust conversation with God. The evening anchorman position (the “Walter Cronkite” job of his dreams) seems finally in his grasp – only to be given to a undeserving schmuck (a hilarious Steve Carrel). Anger at God – the One who gives life and work and can also take it away - seems perfectly justified. Life isn’t working out as Bruce planned, so God can’t be good, can He? Capricious, mean-spirited? Probably. Certainly not worth trusting! So why not take matters into our own hands?

Invited by God (Morgan Freeman) to his "Omni Presents" company, Bruce is given the chance to do just that - a fascinating opportunity because its essentially how we we want to live anyway. But as the world begins to fall apart - the natural outcome of a such a choice - Bruce learns the obvious truth: he is not wise, nor can he bring about what is really best through his selfish choices.

Most of us know only too well how disappointment easily morphs into bitterness and neglect of others (including God), replaced by the “golden calf” that now fills our thought-life and desires. Wrapped up in our self-referential focus, as evidenced in our quest for self-esteem, approval, or penchant to live in self-pity (all powerful narcotics), we stop believing that His way is actually best for us. So why have conversation with Him? Playing God seems a much better option.

What Prayer Can Show Us
At first glance, it's easy for me to think how foolish this scenario seems. But isn't every selfish choice a small attempt to "play God" in my life too? So, what if I could learn to stop – before my life completely unravels like Bruce’s – and learn to push the “pause-button” on my heart to examine closer (as David Powlison wisely says) what I might be missing? Could part of the purpose of prayer, even in the seemingly mundane details of everyday life and work, actually be to bring me “face-to-face” with the real God – so that I also begin to see me and my experience in a new light? (John Calvin was one who famously noted this important “knowledge of God/knowledge of myself” connection in the first paragraph of his Institutes.)

Prayer – even one where we wrestle like Jacob to know God’s blessing - immediately ushers us into some new realities that we desperately need to see. Let’s consider two which also come through in a wonderfully insightful way in the story of Bruce Nolan.

1.) Father, your grace alone is what holds us up…
I love the fact that Bruce’s love-interest in the film (played appealingly by Jennifer Anniston) is named Grace! While Bruce rants and is preoccupied elsewhere, she loves and supports him anyway, just as the grace of God supports us through all our wanderings. And while most of us aren’t so bold to believe we can walk on water (at least, not all of the time!) as Bruce does at one point in the film – and inevitably runs into God – somehow it seems easier to believe we are the ones holding ourselves and our family up in the mundane, everyday stuff of life.

Remember Jonah’s prayer when he sank down into the deep, seaweed wrapped around his head? "Salvation belongs to our God,” he finally cried (see 2:9), safe in the belly of a great fish we could also call “Grace.” God would later use him to extend grace to a ruthless people (the Assyrians), a disappointing fact that Jonah hated. Of course God doesn’t need us one bit, but by His grace He is pleased to use us – and our prayers - to bring Himself glory in His great redemption plan and ongoing transformation of sinners.

Prayer then is an opportunity to pierce the “forgetfulness of the mundane” with the light of the Divine, showing us how even the small things matter (just as Grace serves the small children in her daycare) and to confess who really holds us up. We are here for love, and only can do so by His goodness, wisdom, and grace.

2.) …and You, the Wonderful Counselor, can bring real change.
Particularly relevant to counseling, prayer is also the intentional “giving of another” (as John Eldredge puts it) to God to do the changing. Just as prayer reminds us of who God really is – a reality that Bruce and we so desperately need - we ask God in prayer that He would do what only He can, and that is turn stone hearts into soft flesh. Recognizing this, we must ask ourselves, “Is there a part of me (even a secret part) that thinks I can control or “effect” change in another by my own force of will, fine theological arguments and precise counsel?” Do I ever act as if throwing a Bible verse at a person and saying “just do it” will bring change? If so, I have begun to play God (or a warped version of Him) like Bruce – instead of seeing myself as a fellow beggar and an instrument to bring others to Him and His transforming Gospel of grace.

There's a great scene in the film along these lines, and it comes when Grace weeps a prayer on her bed to God to “Help me to let him (Bruce) go.” She realizes she doesn’t want to attach herself to a life with him as any kind of false savior. Yes, she still loves him, but loving him now means “letting him go” to reap what he sows, just as the Father does for his rebellious child (Luke 15:11-32) who once tasted of His grace. This scene reminds us that entrusting another ultimately to God is a vital posture toward the whole relational process of change, remembering who the real Holy Spirit is – (and it’s not us.)

Finally then, with the recognition of the centrality of grace, and reliance on the Sovereign work of God in human hearts and in counseling, let us finish the prayer….

“You, our Father, promise to be close to the broken-hearted. Help us trust you, the real God. Show yourself strong to save, show yourself the lover of our souls, even as you have already in the Gospel of the cross and resurrection – the triumphant defeat of sin and death through your Son, and the glorious redemption, new identity, and transforming power you give as a gift of grace to those who simply believe. Help us to know how wide, and how long, and how high, and how deep your love for us really is.  Amen."

(Note: It’s worth mentioning that, unfortunately, many Christians avoided Bruce Almighty completely, wrongly surmising they couldn’t relate to the idea of blasphemy. They must have forgotten that the redemption of blasphemers – which is what the film demonstrates so creatively and well - is precisely what Jesus came to do. Did they also forget that the entire Bible is chock full of characters who do ugly and blasphemous (not to mention just plain laughable) things – from lying Abraham to adulterous David to murderous St. Paul?)  For more insight on these things, see a great interview with the film’s director Tom Shadyac at http://www.hollywoodjesus.com/bruce_almighty.htm)