Glorious Forgiveness

Counselor Ed Welch shares the story of a young man who left Christianity behind, only to show up at a worship service later in life. When Ed found the young man afterward and asked him what brought him back to seeking Christ, he simply said, "my father asked my forgiveness for his anger. I knew God must be real, because he had never done that before."

Why is having to ask forgiveness such a rare thing? Parent to child, spouse to spouse, friend to friend - why are we not quicker to run to the "sinner's place" with these precious relationships? (See Stanley Voke's excellent article, The Sinner's Place). I mean, if what Jesus says about us all is true in his famous Sermon on the Mount, that essentially we are all adulterers and murderers who live with adulterers and murderers, then why are we surprised?

I'm convinced that this is so for two reasons:

1.) We're all so addicted to self-righteousness (see Rom. 10:3), that this leads us to a very small view of sin, and also the cross.... we simply refuse to be the bigger sinner, with the bigger log in our eye. Yet our willingness to reveal the truth about us actually displays God's strength and grace!

2.) We're all addicted to the idea that good behavior (morality) is enough of a goal, and so sin and grace simply aren't the main themes of our lives - when they should be our norm.

Do you want to give others around you a taste of God, and His grace? Then own who you really are - an adulterer. Do you want to give others a taste of glory? Then own your lusts, your addictions to your gods (including your "electronic dis-associations" that keep you from loving people, as Dan Allender calls them), and also your anger when those addictions get blocked.

This will be impossible on your own, so pray. Unless you see your sin as the log; even greater, unless you see your great debt against a holy God as the real issue, forgiving others will be impossible. But once you know the great debt you've been forgiven, you may claim the righteousness of Christ as your new clothing and be rid of your own rags - they're only the Emperor's new clothes anyway. Then a new freedom will come to ask forgiveness of those you've failed to love and hold in awe, as a fellow image-bearer of a glorious God.

This, perhaps like nothing else, will show people why the Gospel is true - maybe even more than your preaching and counseling - for they will see why it is that you need a Savior. As Jesus said, "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners...." (Luke 5:32) Which camp will you be in?

Who is Your Father? (Impossible Parenting 2)

I'm convinced that most Christians know about God's love in theory, but in practice, tend to have a warped view of Him as "Father." Our upbringing, wayward hearts, and the deceitfulness of Satan may all be against us.

So what if our family background taught us that "father" meant someone who was absent, or even distant or cruel? (Sadly, it's an increasing reality in our culture.) Or what if we were taught about God, yet without a true understanding of grace, and so we now wonder if we can really rest in the arms of a good and loving Father? 

It becomes a crucial question on a practical and interpersonal level too, for one of my best hopes for my family to see the real heart of God in this "impossible calling" of parenting - in addition to prayer - is a changed me.

For these reasons especially, our hearts so often need to be bathed in the gracious promises of the Father; to hear the words spoken to His own beloved Son Jesus: "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." (Matt. 3:17)  Amazingly, the Gospel tells us that now, because of what Jesus has done in His righteous life, atoning death, and glorious resurrection, that very same statement the Father spoke of Him also applies to us!

"Behold the throne of grace... there Jesus holds a smiling face" (John Newton) 

If you belong to Christ, you can insert your own name: "_____ is my beloved son (or daughter), in him (or her), I am well pleased!" Now, as members of God's new family by grace, God wants us to call Him our "Abba," (or Daddy) Father: 

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Son-ship. And by him we cry, “Abba (“Daddy”), Father” Romans 8:15

J.I. Packer, in his classic book Knowing God, says:

"If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God’s child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all ... “Father” is the Christian name for God.…Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption." (pp. 201–202)

How vital this is for us to trust! The reason is this: 

The more we know we are loved by our Father, the more we will begin to love others well. It is for this that we were made!

Consider the great mindfulness of your Father - His thoughts are on you 24/7 (see Psalm 139:7). He is continually attentive, full of thoughtfulness, and knows your every sigh, sorrow, and pain. Yet how prone we are, especially when conflict and great stress arises, to instantly trust ourselves and forget the Father's love! 

The good news is, God's Word is for you. In it, you will find law (commands) and Gospel (free gift) side by side...and to gravitate to the law alone without the gift will destroy you. (Actually, that's part of it's job - as a mirror to show you your dirty face (heart) and destroy your pride, and lead you to the soap (the blood of Christ) which alone can cleanse you (see Gal. 3:24). 

So all that is left for you is gift - and the beautiful surprise is, it comes to you again and again, right in the middle of your mess (Rom. 5:8). Christ has kept the law and all its commands perfectly in your place. He is the true, obedient Son - the real and last Adam and older brother who has come to bring you back to the Father. And now His words of promise are intended to go deep into your soul and transform your false thinking and painful emotions, for “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word from the mouth of God.”

So try the following. Print out the following promises of God and read them once a day for 30 days. Then choose a specific promise to meditate on each day. Begin to let the Word of God fill your mind and transform your thoughts with a new view of the Father's heart, and His amazing grace. Remember that they also express the heart of Jesus, for he said "Whoever has seen me, has seen the Father" (Jn. 14:9). 

Finally, as you go, begin to share your reflections of your Father  with others, for community (His body) is one way God shows his perfect Father-heart to you ... then thank Him for all He's done, and that He so passionately desires for you to grow in intimacy with Him: 

Zephaniah 3:17  "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Galatians 4:4-7: But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, (daddy) Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

John 14:18:  “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.”  

Isaiah 54:10: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you." 

Isaiah 54:4  “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; Neither feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more." 

Isaiah 51:12  “I, yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?" 

Romans 8:32 God, who did not spare his own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will [the Father] not also, along with Christ, graciously give us all things?

Luke 15:20,22,23,31 (Parable of the Prodigal (or "extravagant") Father): 
So the son got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. And the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate." 

Hebrews 12:7,10: Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. 

Isaiah 49:1, 6, 15:  "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."

Impossible Parenting, Part 1

You would think a guy who counsels others and has raised 3 kids of our own (my youngest is now 17) would have this parenting thing down to a science by now. (If this were a sitcom, they’d cue the laugh track at this point. Pause a moment for the effect).

But that’s just it, isn’t it – raising children isn’t a science – despite the plethora of self-help books and videos that overwhelm the shelves down at the local Barnes and Noble, or that beg for your time (and money) at your favorite internet hot-spot. Oh sure, you can tell me about the latest "wonderful book you’re reading," and the sure-fire platitudes and proverbs that you’re banking on to “get it right” – even if they’re attached to a Bible verse. (This last crowd might be the most dangerous. I know, I’ve been there. Really, we should know more about God than to think we can cage Him like that. Think instead that He’s more like a lion on the loose…)

But a science? Really? That would mean this life – not to mention parenting - is akin to a kind of controlled experiment, taking place in a sterile lab or clean room somewhere. No extraneous elements to foul the result. Just a dash of this and a drop of that, and you'll get the desired result. It's so darn perfect, because in this world, everyone manages to follow protocol to a “T.” 

Cue that laugh track again. (I am sorry, but if that’s what you think life is (or even should be), I can’t help but chuckle. And then ask you what world you're really living in.)

But of course, I’m learning the hard way too. Sometimes I even act as if the above scenario is true; after all, it does fit well with the "American way" of "Father Knows Best" and "Work hard enough and you too can be a success!" Not to mention that Lord knows I’ve read enough books to have a boat load of tips and suggestions – some of which are actually very useful. But lately, I’m preferring what this seasoned parent confessed:
 
It took me seventeen years to realize I couldn’t parent on my own. It was not a great spiritual insight, just a realistic observation…

Now, a statement that offends my sensibilities like that needs to be unpacked, so I eagerly read on...

... If I didn’t pray deliberately and reflectively for the members of my family by name every morning, they’d kill one another. I was incapable of getting inside their hearts. I was desperate. But even more, I couldn’t change my self-confident heart…I need grace even to pray. 

                                                                                       ~ Paul Miller, A Praying Life

Please don’t get me wrong. The purpose of quoting that statement wasn’t to make you groan, “Oh, I see, the issue is I’m just not praying enough… and if only I prayed more, things would work out fine with my kids.” Wrong. My purpose was to help you, as a fellow struggling parent, to actually breathe a sigh of relief. To get off the treadmill, and allow yourself to catch a wind of the freedom that can truly come by not having to play God. Call it "weakness parenting." 

So, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you and I just aren’t in control of how our kids turn out. (And no, that doesn't mean we do nothing - on the contrary. Love is most free when it flows from a heart that is becoming unhinged from our pathological addiction to self righteousness, and moralism. But more on that later.) 

And that’s a good starting place for this awesome calling of parenting… don’t you think? Stay tuned!

Our Greatest Need for the New Year

Our greatest need for this new year is not to resolve to turn over a new leaf, be more religious, or get more disciplined. Rather, it's simply to rest in the outstretched arms of a real Person, and to know that at our worst, we are unbelievably loved, forgiven, and accepted:

The Not-So-Thin Thread of Thankfulness

It was just the other day when I caught a glimpse of it, in that still moment of reflection when someone asked, just before the turkey and sweet potato casserole, “So, what are you thankful for?” Truth be told, at the moment of hunger? Not so thankful for questions about thankfulness!

But it is good to be slowed down ... I am too often in a hurry. Taste your food, and savor it. Make more room for these "Consider the lilies" moments. And so I do...

And soon, thankful thoughts begin to race like wildfire. Faces appear, some right in front of me, others from the not-so-distant past – both smiling, and weeping. It is a privilege that I am here at all, I think; to experience this life of joys and sorrows - it is a gift. That too, is grace.

Now as I sit here, days from Thanksgiving, typing thoughts and words and dreams with the Vince Guaraldi Trio’s What Child is This? keeping time with my tapping, I consider, How strange that that one small question about thankfulness can bring a sense that, in gratitude, I am “getting warmer, warmer,” like the children’s game when you’re closing in on the hidden prize. It’s so easy to be in a hurry; add to that, to become jaded about this life, and revert to the status-quo of criticism and the pretended wisdom of the cynic ... it all thwarts this desired gratitude.

Thankfully, a Christmas carol jolts me back to the warmer place, leaving behind the “always winter, but never Christmas” hopelessness that Lewis described. Ahh, there it is again - Christmas working backwards, to put the real thanks into “Thanks-giving.”

Surprised by Gratitude

But of course, it makes no sense at all to be thankful if you’ve been operating from the assumption (maybe even the desired belief) that there really is no one there to say thanks to, right? I remember hearing how the great writer G.K. Chesterton was surprised by this fact, and at a moment in his life when faith still eluded him…

As the story goes, while out strolling one day, he “happened upon” two aspiring artists on the river bank, poised at their easels. Brushes in hand, they attempted to capture the serene beauty of the landscape – for it was a stunningly beautiful day. Pausing to watch them paint, Chesterton could not help notice how their conversation seemed strangely out-of-place, for despite the overwhelming beauty before them, they were filled with complaining. Oddly, and in marked contrast, he found his own heart wanting to say “thank-you” to someone. Beauty, after all, had smote his heart, and it must be acknowledged. But where was this strange sense of gratitude coming from, he wondered? And to whom could it possibly be directed? Chesterton would later say that from that moment onward, he began to hold on to faith by “the thin thread of thankfulness.”

Ann's Story

For years, Ann Voskamp struggled to see any reason for thankfulness at all. At 4 years of age (her earliest memory), she watched as her 18 month-old sister Aimee, the little sister with the silken hair, was crushed in their driveway by a farm truck. Her mother saw it too, watching in helpless horror from the kitchen window. Later, Ann observed how a cloud of despair set in upon her and her family, a winter chill that would not depart. From that moment, her father abandoned faith. And by the time she was in college, Ann was on anti-depressants and suffered with a fear of almost everything (agoraphobia).

It’s painful for me to write these things. I’m reminded of my own family’s suffering - my sister’s ongoing struggle to live life in a wheelchair after a car accident at 17, and dad's cancer. How do you take a risk on love again when you’ve been cut so deeply? And just how do you unclench your fists and open your heart to even the possibility of God – let along a good God who doesn’t deal in cruel jokes and seemingly senseless pain – when you've experienced such great losses? What is God up to?

Love will avoid the easy answers, the “buck up and bear it” or “God works all things for good” response that attempts to make it all go away (so we don’t have to feel it), or explain it with a self-righteous platitude. No, let mystery be mystery, and learn to weep with those who weep is the first order of business.

But there is more. One of the profound things such pain produced in Ann Voskamp’s life was to one day awaken her heart to the suggestion and challenge of a friend: create a list of 1,000 things you are thankful for. In starting, Ann realized something vital: If I am to really do this, I must begin with “the little gifts” of each day. The colors in a soap bubble as she washed the dishes. Children building a snow-fort, making a door in the side. The falling of leaves from an oak. New toothbrushes. Nylons without runs.… (I will leave the rest of the list for you to read and discover yourself! Put her book One Thousand Gifts on your Christmas wish-list. You'll be thankful you did!)

How Gratitude Can Change Us

Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.~  Sarah Ban Breathnach

Gratitude is the natural response when we begin to understand grace. And while on some days it seems so impossible to find, it has a way of transforming us as we follow it back to a loving God's hand. As Ann writes, 

I know there is poor and hideous suffering, and I’ve seen the hungry and the guns that go to war. I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for early light dappled through leaves and the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July and the song of crickets on humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good God gives. Why would the world need more anger, more outrage? How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy ,when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn’t rescue the suffering. The converse does. 

The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest light to the world. When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us? The clouds open when we mouth thanks.”

What is this dare to write down a thousand "thank-yous?" Try it - start with just ten or twenty - and you will see what Ann herself discovered about our hearts: “Something always comes to fill the empty places. And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me…” What then is the real beauty behind the list? “It is really a dare to name all the ways that God loves me…” To bow before His wisdom, and to see who He really is. All that He has done, and has promised. And all because a greater gift has been given...

“On the night he was betrayed,  the Lord Jesus took some bread… and giving thanks, He broke it and said, “This is my body, which is given for you ..
~ I Corinthians 11:23,24

A Scandalous Grace

So here’s a bit of good news for the Penn State victimizers: God never said you’ll go to hell for being a child molester - or even an administration or coaching staff that knew, and “should’ve done more.” But more on that in a minute. 

When Penn State coaching legend Joe Paterno addressed reporters early after the abuse went public, his impulse was to say one thing, at least, of especially great value: “Pray for the victims.” Indeed. Pray for them, for the sting of this victimization will not fade with the camera lights, but will linger. But have you and I asked ourselves what to pray for, specifically? Do we have any sense what the victims will really need in the days and years to come?

Childhood victims of sexual abuse grow up to tell us many things. Here, in the form of a prayer, are some things that they especially struggle to believe:

1.) God, (if You are even there) - it’s so hard to trust now sometimes – you, or anyone. I trusted once and got hurt. Do you love me? Where were you? I felt (and sometimes still feel) so abandoned…  

2.) God, are you good? How can it be? Is the song I learned in Sunday School, “Jesus loves me, this I know…” just a farce?

3.) Does real love even exist? Or is it a lie, and do people just want to use you up and throw you away?

4.) What is my body good for? Is it just certain parts of me that are worth anything? (I hate those parts - they invited pain). I will never let myself be touched again…by anyone.

5.) God, sometimes I also feel such guilt that my body “responded” to the stimulation. And afterwards, I felt so ashamed, I couldn’t speak. How could I possibly tell anyone what happened?

6.) So now you know what I do…I squash my pain again and again with over-eating, or alcohol abuse, or whatever else helps me to “check out” of life and stay numb to the pain. I’ve even thrown myself into elicit sex, and allowed myself to be used again - it’s all I must be good for, right? But I feel nothing, I am a hollow shell…

Our Prayer 

1.) Oh Father, your heart breaks for those who have been victimized by selfish lust. Our hearts break too. 

2.) We must believe You weren’t absent, or caught off-guard, but caught every tear that fell.     Help them to believe this too. Even now You store each tear in your bottle, for they are precious to you (Psalm 56:8) – yet we still sometimes struggle to know why You didn’t intervene to stop it… 

3.) Oh Jesus, you reveal to us the Father’s heart. And we remember that Your name is Immanuel (God with us), who came down to the mess -  to walk in our shoes, to feel our pain, to endure our rejection, and then to die our death. You know abandonment (for we have often abandoned You), you know firsthand the pain of rejection. You even know the shame of being stripped naked before wicked men: “And they stripped Him…” (Matthew 27:28)

And yet because your Father didn’t intervene to stop it, great good came to the world. So too, bring good to the world through this suffering, as you did with Joseph (Gen. 50:20), and ultimately, Jesus.

4.) Merciful God, please begin to show the broken-hearted (for words are not enough) that their bodies are a gift, incredibly good, and were never meant to be treated as an object for someone’s selfish pleasure…

5.) ... and that their body responded as it was designed – for this is how You made it. Surround them too with loving people who will begin to transform the abuser’s touch through the healing touch of real love – the love of Jesus, revealed through them. 

6.) Father, help them to trust your love, which is greater than our darkness; help us all to see it with our own eyes, growing in the world. We pray that our churches will be a safe place of refuge - help us not to be ignorant or silent. Keep us near the cross, where we see that love most. 

7.) Help each of these children to grieve the loss, and to run to You… In the name of Jesus, who has retained His scars even while He waits until the day when He will wipe every tear from our eyes, and put all things to right…

8.) Finally, God, we trust that you will bring about justice for the oppressed – a better justice than we ourselves can muster. We dare, by your grace, to pray for the victimizers also – may their end not be this: 

"But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." (Matthew 18:6)

(And thank-you that you care so much for the victimized to include this verse in Your Word). May the victimizer too find mercy at the foot of the cross - and rise, forgiven, to make real restitution to their victims.

Now, to return to the beginning…

Grace is indeed scandalous to our senses, but oh so humbling. Why must it be so? Because we have all – each one - done the unimaginable: our sin has killed the precious and perfect Son of God. Which means that anything else must pale in comparison…and that is why no child molester will ever be separated from God on the basis of his crimes alone, but for this only: if He (or she) rejects the one rescue that God Himself has provided – Jesus and His cross. Any rejection of that great sacrifice is an attempt to establish one’s own “self salvation project”(see Rom. 10:3) – be it through sex, career, money, personal reform - or even religion. 

As the words of the old hymn put it:

“His blood has made the foulest clean,

His blood availed for me.” (O For A Thousand Tongues to Sing, Charles Wesley)

So it seems that even at Penn State, the field is quite level before the cross. The beauty of a scandalous grace is this: even tainted football fields and locker rooms can be transformed by the touch of Amazing grace.

So now, let us pray…  

What's Love Telling Me to Do Right Now?

If anyone ever answered that question fully, completely, most beautifully, in everything He said and did, it was Jesus. See the way Jesus loves, and you see love elevated to an art-form. See how he answered the question, when gazing at the cross before him ... with thoughts of you. Thank him for such amazing, completely unmerited, love.

Now let yourself ask the question again, and answer with the first person who comes to mind.

  

(PS Sometimes a great question becomes a life-mission. The question jumped out at me the other day while listening to a band my son enjoys (and now I do too), called Baths. Asked in a song called Maximalist)