Who is Your Father? (Impossible Parenting 2)

I'm convinced that most Christians know about God's love in theory, but in practice, tend to have a warped view of Him as "Father." Our upbringing, wayward hearts, and the deceitfulness of Satan may all be against us.

So what if our family background taught us that "father" meant someone who was absent, or even distant or cruel? (Sadly, it's an increasing reality in our culture.) Or what if we were taught about God, yet without a true understanding of grace, and so we now wonder if we can really rest in the arms of a good and loving Father? 

It becomes a crucial question on a practical and interpersonal level too, for one of my best hopes for my family to see the real heart of God in this "impossible calling" of parenting - in addition to prayer - is a changed me.

For these reasons especially, our hearts so often need to be bathed in the gracious promises of the Father; to hear the words spoken to His own beloved Son Jesus: "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." (Matt. 3:17)  Amazingly, the Gospel tells us that now, because of what Jesus has done in His righteous life, atoning death, and glorious resurrection, that very same statement the Father spoke of Him also applies to us!

"Behold the throne of grace... there Jesus holds a smiling face" (John Newton) 

If you belong to Christ, you can insert your own name: "_____ is my beloved son (or daughter), in him (or her), I am well pleased!" Now, as members of God's new family by grace, God wants us to call Him our "Abba," (or Daddy) Father: 

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Son-ship. And by him we cry, “Abba (“Daddy”), Father” Romans 8:15

J.I. Packer, in his classic book Knowing God, says:

"If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God’s child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and his whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all ... “Father” is the Christian name for God.…Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption." (pp. 201–202)

How vital this is for us to trust! The reason is this: 

The more we know we are loved by our Father, the more we will begin to love others well. It is for this that we were made!

Consider the great mindfulness of your Father - His thoughts are on you 24/7 (see Psalm 139:7). He is continually attentive, full of thoughtfulness, and knows your every sigh, sorrow, and pain. Yet how prone we are, especially when conflict and great stress arises, to instantly trust ourselves and forget the Father's love! 

The good news is, God's Word is for you. In it, you will find law (commands) and Gospel (free gift) side by side...and to gravitate to the law alone without the gift will destroy you. (Actually, that's part of it's job - as a mirror to show you your dirty face (heart) and destroy your pride, and lead you to the soap (the blood of Christ) which alone can cleanse you (see Gal. 3:24). 

So all that is left for you is gift - and the beautiful surprise is, it comes to you again and again, right in the middle of your mess (Rom. 5:8). Christ has kept the law and all its commands perfectly in your place. He is the true, obedient Son - the real and last Adam and older brother who has come to bring you back to the Father. And now His words of promise are intended to go deep into your soul and transform your false thinking and painful emotions, for “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word from the mouth of God.”

So try the following. Print out the following promises of God and read them once a day for 30 days. Then choose a specific promise to meditate on each day. Begin to let the Word of God fill your mind and transform your thoughts with a new view of the Father's heart, and His amazing grace. Remember that they also express the heart of Jesus, for he said "Whoever has seen me, has seen the Father" (Jn. 14:9). 

Finally, as you go, begin to share your reflections of your Father  with others, for community (His body) is one way God shows his perfect Father-heart to you ... then thank Him for all He's done, and that He so passionately desires for you to grow in intimacy with Him: 

Zephaniah 3:17  "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Galatians 4:4-7: But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, (daddy) Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

John 14:18:  “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.”  

Isaiah 54:10: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you." 

Isaiah 54:4  “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; Neither feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more." 

Isaiah 51:12  “I, yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?" 

Romans 8:32 God, who did not spare his own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will [the Father] not also, along with Christ, graciously give us all things?

Luke 15:20,22,23,31 (Parable of the Prodigal (or "extravagant") Father): 
So the son got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. And the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate." 

Hebrews 12:7,10: Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. 

Isaiah 49:1, 6, 15:  "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."

Impossible Parenting, Part 1

You would think a guy who counsels others and has raised 3 kids of our own (my youngest is now 17) would have this parenting thing down to a science by now. (If this were a sitcom, they’d cue the laugh track at this point. Pause a moment for the effect).

But that’s just it, isn’t it – raising children isn’t a science – despite the plethora of self-help books and videos that overwhelm the shelves down at the local Barnes and Noble, or that beg for your time (and money) at your favorite internet hot-spot. Oh sure, you can tell me about the latest "wonderful book you’re reading," and the sure-fire platitudes and proverbs that you’re banking on to “get it right” – even if they’re attached to a Bible verse. (This last crowd might be the most dangerous. I know, I’ve been there. Really, we should know more about God than to think we can cage Him like that. Think instead that He’s more like a lion on the loose…)

But a science? Really? That would mean this life – not to mention parenting - is akin to a kind of controlled experiment, taking place in a sterile lab or clean room somewhere. No extraneous elements to foul the result. Just a dash of this and a drop of that, and you'll get the desired result. It's so darn perfect, because in this world, everyone manages to follow protocol to a “T.” 

Cue that laugh track again. (I am sorry, but if that’s what you think life is (or even should be), I can’t help but chuckle. And then ask you what world you're really living in.)

But of course, I’m learning the hard way too. Sometimes I even act as if the above scenario is true; after all, it does fit well with the "American way" of "Father Knows Best" and "Work hard enough and you too can be a success!" Not to mention that Lord knows I’ve read enough books to have a boat load of tips and suggestions – some of which are actually very useful. But lately, I’m preferring what this seasoned parent confessed:
 
It took me seventeen years to realize I couldn’t parent on my own. It was not a great spiritual insight, just a realistic observation…

Now, a statement that offends my sensibilities like that needs to be unpacked, so I eagerly read on...

... If I didn’t pray deliberately and reflectively for the members of my family by name every morning, they’d kill one another. I was incapable of getting inside their hearts. I was desperate. But even more, I couldn’t change my self-confident heart…I need grace even to pray. 

                                                                                       ~ Paul Miller, A Praying Life

Please don’t get me wrong. The purpose of quoting that statement wasn’t to make you groan, “Oh, I see, the issue is I’m just not praying enough… and if only I prayed more, things would work out fine with my kids.” Wrong. My purpose was to help you, as a fellow struggling parent, to actually breathe a sigh of relief. To get off the treadmill, and allow yourself to catch a wind of the freedom that can truly come by not having to play God. Call it "weakness parenting." 

So, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you and I just aren’t in control of how our kids turn out. (And no, that doesn't mean we do nothing - on the contrary. Love is most free when it flows from a heart that is becoming unhinged from our pathological addiction to self righteousness, and moralism. But more on that later.) 

And that’s a good starting place for this awesome calling of parenting… don’t you think? Stay tuned!